Tag: motherhood

Pregnancy hormones and a toddler

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Little L is napping now. I will soon need to start preparing lunch. I should probably be having a rest now. Or I should read the Hypnobirthing book. Maybe listen to the relaxation mp3. Hmmm. Relaxation. Sounds tempting. But I am writing a blog post instead. Well, it’s some kind of relaxation as well. At least, it is for me.

I am thinking of this morning. One of the most ordinary mornings, really. Well, one of the less pleasant ones maybe. But still an ordinary morning. Sometimes, I am thinking of other mums. I am wondering how their mornings look like. And, while I am going through this morning’s events, I am thinking that we don’t share enough about the ordinary moments in life…

6.50: Peaking out of the shower as the baby phone goes on. Deciding to continue to shower as little L seems to move but to remain calm in his bed. Hoping that he will fall asleep again for half an hour or so
7.00: Getting dressed and deciding to prepare a bowl of cereals. Trying to make no noise
7.10: Sitting down to have breakfast. Hearing the baby phone go on. Seeing little L sitting in his bed. Deciding to quickly finish the cereals
7.20: Hearing that little L is protesting in his bed. Deciding to stop eating cereals and to take Luca out of his bed.
7.25: Opening all curtains with a happy little L who is full of energy. Deciding to take little L with me in the living room to finish my cereals as he is in a good mood
7.30: Sharing my (quite sugary, I have to admit) cereals with Luca. Wondering if sugary cereals are good for a 18-months old
7.35: Deciding that they are probably not so good for toddlers… Stopping to share my cereals with little L. Hearing him starting to protest immediately.
7.40: Deciding that they cannot do harm neither. He is no baby anymore. Finishing my cereals with little L (but also in peace)
7.45: Attempting to get little L dressed. Explaining him that it is time to change the diaper and to get dressed as mummy is dressed as well.
7.50: Finally moving towards his room with him. Putting a protesting little L on his changing mat.
7.55: Trying to put a fresh diaper and new clothes on little L while he is walking around on the chest of drawers, checking out everything next to the changing mat and throwing every single item on the floor. Remaining calm.
8.00: Hearing the doorbell ring. Heading to the entrance door with a half dressed little L as the cleaning lady arrives
8.05: Finishing to get little L dressed.
8.10: Starting to prepare breakfast while little L is helping push the vacuum cleaner. Remembering that little L has started refusing his usual breakfast options (porridge, semolina etc. with fruits). Wondering what to prepare.
8.15: Remembering that a friend told me that she was giving smoothies to her little one. Deciding to make a smoothie instead.
8.20: Starting to cut the fruit.
8.25: Hearing the cleaning lady shout “No, Luca, no!”. Heading to the bathroom to explain to little L that you cannot eat cleaning products. Asking the cleaning lady not the leave the cleaning products in places where little L can reach them.
8.30: Continuing to prepare the smoothie. Wondering if it is ok to put uncooked oats flakes in the smoothie.
8.35: Googling “Smoothie with oats flakes 18-months old”
8.40: Finding no real great results. Deciding to put some anyway
8.45: Seeing little L play with his color crayons. Waving to him and thinking to myself how great it is that little L is a toddler now who can occupy himself so nicely.
8.50: Not seeing little L anymore. Asking “Luca?”. No response.
8.55: Deciding to stop the food preparation and to step out of the kitchen. Finding little L in the corridor where he continues his drawings… on the wall! Shouting “No!” and removing the crayons from little L’s hands. Explaining him that mummy loves his drawings but not on the walls.
9.00: Trying to remove the color lines with a gum. Achieving a medium-good result. Wondering how life will be with two babies/toddlers under two. Deciding that this is no appropriate thought for a 30-weeks pregnant mummy of a toddler.
9.05: Handing the smoothie over to little L. Getting a very clear “No!”
9.10: Trying to convince little L to taste the smoothie at least before saying “No”. Realizing that the straw is too small for the thick smoothie anyway.
9.15: Answering a phone call while handing over a spoon to little L to eat the smoothie with a spoon. Seeing little L shake his head.
9.20: Feeding some spoons of smoothie to little L who is now watching the mobile on loudspeaker. Happy to have succeeded making little L eat a bit.
9.25: Finishing the phone call. Seeing little L stop eating again. Wondering if it’s ok for a 18-months old not to drink any milk or formula, nor to eat milk purees or smoothies. Worrying a bit.
9.30: Handing over some bread with peanut butter to little L. Seeing a happy little L who starts eating. Asking in a Facebook forum how much milk a 18-months old needs. Getting mixed responses.
9.35: Seeing little L stop eating again as he wants to go down to play. Trying to convince him that food is vital. Seeing a not so convinced little L. Getting some signs of protest. Feeling desperate. Putting little L down to play.
9.40: Deciding to wait until the cleaner is done and to go out with little L. Deciding to quickly put the dishes in the dishwasher.
9.45: Hearing some noise. Seeing that little L has removed all CDs from the CD rack and is starting to remove them from their cases.
9.50: Explaining to little L that CDs can break easily and that you shouldn’t play with them. No results. Trading with some other toys. Getting better results.
9.55: Returning to the kitchen. Seeing little L remove all plugs from the plug sockets as he wants to put them in his mouth. Heading towards him. Wondering how I will make it through the day.
10.00: Saying bye to the cleaner and going out.

Getting some fresh air. Breathing in and out.

Remembering that there are difficult days for everyone.

Remembering that little L (who is the happiest toddler in the world again now that we are out and about) is just a toddler and that toddlers a) don’t eat much sometimes, b) prefer discovering things and playing instead and c) first need to learn what they are allowed to do or not.

Still feeling a bit like crying.

Telling myself that this must be the pregnancy hormones. Or the fatigue. Or simply part of being a mum to a toddler.

Discretely pushing aside the thought of how life will be with two toddlers.

Deciding to go to bed early this evening.

And to give little L a big kiss.

Motherhood is funny sometimes.

Isn’t it?

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Reflections of a (former) workaholic

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Recently, I updated my profile on LinkedIn. I had not changed its content since my last Comm & Events position in Switzerland. But this was before little L was born and we moved to Dubai. It suddenly felt wrong to leave a “hole” in my professional pathway “just” because I was a full-time mum now. This simply wouldn’t do justice to my current job! I know that some mums think it is better not to mention the fact that you have children on a CV or on LinkedIn. Being a mum myself now, I think you actually SHOULD proudly mention this experience. And this goes out to all the HR managers and recruiters out there: never underestimate a person’s experience as a full-time mum (or dad). Never before have I learned as much about stress management, working under pressure and sleep deprivation, multi-tasking and personal development as during the last year. Never have I worked so much and slept so few.

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When I read through my profile, went from one of my former professional experiences to the next, I started to wonder how my life had changed since I became a full-time mum. Completely. And yet, not that much. I was a workaholic in a corporate world before. I am a blogger mummy in Dubai today. Sounds like two different worlds. But is my current life really so different from the life I had before?

My work day

As a workaholic

5.30 am. The alarm clock rings. I switch it off. 5 minutes later. It rings again. The snooze function is my best friend. I get up. Too late. I need to hurry. I run to the bathroom to take a shower. The cold water immediately wakes me up. I have the best ideas of the day while taking my morning shower. I run out of the flat to catch the train. But it’s worth it. I love to arrive early at work. My days are full of meetings, emails and phone calls. I always try to take some time to have a proper lunch break with the team before rushing to the next meeting. My mobile would usually ring during the lunch. Once, twice, three times… well… It’s 6.30 pm, my laptop begins to slow down. Let’s just finish this document. I watch the clock. I will miss the train – again. I’ll take the next one. At home, I quickly grab something to eat before I continue working on a project that inspires me… or fall asleep in front of the TV. But not on Fridays. Fridays are sacred. TGIF – let the weekend begin!

As a (full-time blogger) mum

5.30 am. The alarm clock rings. I switch it off. 5 minutes later. It rings again. I could sleep a bit longer. I hesitate. But I want to have some time for myself before little L wakes up. I get up. Super tired. Quick – I need a shower. Best thing in the morning. It immediately wakes me up. I plan my whole day while taking my shower. If I’m lucky, I’ll get some me-time, some time to enjoy my müsli and fruits while reading the latest news. Then, suddenly, the babyphone goes on. There’s no choice: my workday starts immediately. Breakfast for little Mr. L, grocery shopping, some playtime, putting Luca to bed, cooking lunch, feeding lunch (can be replaced by trying to convince a 14-months old that eating is actually not an option but a necessity to live), heading out for some activity, coming back, making dinner, feeding dinner, bath time, putting L to bed, making dinner for my husband and myself, cleaning the kitchen, doing some housework, doing some writing, discovering the time: 11pm!, thinking “shit, shit, shit”, being reminded by my husband about the time, saying “yes!!! I know!!!”, quickly finishing to write one paragraph on the blog, hearing my husband telling me “if you don’t want to sleep, I won’t wait for you!”, giving in, going to bed, falling asleep after 2 minutes, dead… Well, thankfully, tomorrow is the weekend. But wait: I forgot – I am a mum…

 

I love my job – most of the time

As a workaholic

I love my job. Well, most of the time. Of course, there are moments when I am tired and stressed. Of course, there are times when I would need a vacation. But I wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world. People don’t always get why I am working that much. People always need a reason. She absolutely wants to make career. She must be unhappy in her relationship. Maybe she just needs another hobby? The truth is: there is no reason other than I really love my job. I like to get things done and to work with people that inspire me. I like to see how all things come together, how an amazing event happens after months and months of hard work. I live for these moments. They make me happy. I like to learn new things that make my life interesting. That’s it. That’s all.

As a (full-time blogger) mum

I love being a full-time mum. And I love being a blogger. Well, most of the time. Of course, there are moments when I feel tired, stressed and lonely. Of course, there are times when I would need a vacation (and some help haha). But I wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world. People don’t always get why I chose to be a full-time mum. Especially in Dubai: You can have a nanny. And a maid. Seriously, in Dubai, getting some help is cheap. So you can work. You have always been such a workaholic. How come, you are leaving everything behind now? Well, that’s the funny thing. Being a workaholic and being a full-time mum are no opposites to me. They are lifestyle choices you make. I was very happy investing a huge amount of time in my work before. Because it was the right time to do so. And I am very happy to be a full-time mum now. Because it seems to be the right thing to do at the moment. I have the chance to be able to stay with our little monkey at the moment, to be there when he sits up for the first time, when he walks and talks for the first time. Plus, I have the chance to do something I have always loved to do: writing. Writing about being a mum is exactly what I want to do at this exact moment. I am exactly where I want to be. And that’s the best feeling in the world.

 

Intellectual challenges

As a workaholic

My dad always told me “your job is as interesting as you want it to be”. You can come to your workplace in the morning, do the necessary and go home. And that’s totally fine. This just never was what I was looking for. I was always asking for more. What if… we make things differently? What if… we try out a new way of working? I think the more often you are asking yourself this kind of questions, the more new questions will arise. The more new challenges you will discover. The more interesting your job will become.

As a (full-time blogger) mum

You would probably think: Intellectual challenges as a full-time mum? Not many. And you might be right – kind of. There are days when I feel terribly under-challenged. At least, I felt a bit like this when Luca was still a very small baby. When we’d just arrived in Dubai and I was all alone with little baby L (three months at that time) I just wanted to work or at least talk to an adult from time to time. But then, being a full-time mum is like any other job: it depends on what you make out of it. It’s not the job that makes it interesting and challenging, it’s you. Being a mum is probably the most challenging and diversified job in the world. BUT you need to see it. There is nobody who will tell you what to do. But there’s this little human being in front of you, like a rough diamond. And he just waits for you to show him the world. The world he will discover is the world you will show him. I have never had a job that was as challenging, a job that has inspired me so much. So, if you’d ask me if there are any intellectual challenges in my life now that I am a full-time mum, I think I should simply tell you ‘your job is as interesting as you want it to be’.

 

Evaluation

As a workaholic

At work, you are constantly evaluated. By your superiors, by your colleagues, by your (internal) clients. In my former company, we had two main evaluations per year. A mid-year and a final one. Managers would also get a 360° evaluation. Objectives were fixed with your superior at the beginning of the year and they were pretty clear. You could achieve, over-achieve or, well, not achieve them. You know where you were going.

As a (full-time blogger) mum

As a mum, you are constantly evaluated. And I am not only talking about your mum, your mother-in-law and all the millions of other mums out there that are watching you, comparing your way of doing things with their own ones. Neither am I talking about the millions of not-yet-mums that are watching you, thinking “my child will never do this” or “at that age, my child will already be able to do that”. I am talking about your little boss just in front of you. Cause he might not be that much listening to what you are saying. But he is certainly watching what you are doing every second of the day. His eyes are following you wherever you are going. The only thing is that he doesn’t discuss objectives with you. He doesn’t set them neither. So, nothing is that clear anymore. There is no achieving, or over-achieving or not achieving. And if there is, you don’t see it immediately. There is no black and white anymore. Just listening to your heart and, maybe even more importantly, to this little human being that might actually give you some indications.

There are many other parallels between my former life as a workaholic and my life as a blogger mum today. Maybe I am not checking my emails that often anymore, maybe my phone is not ringing all the time, but I am definitely checking the comments on my blog and on Instagram. Maybe I am not that well informed about the latest fashion and beauty trends anymore but I can certainly tell you all the cool baby / kids boutiques in Dubai and the most trendiest play areas in town…

I might have changed a lot but I somehow have remained the same. I’ve just taken on another job. A job that takes all of my time now. A job that inspires me. A job I really love.

xxx

A (former??) workaholic

EBSL   mum

Some thoughts on nursing (in Dubai)

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Luca is now 11 months old and I am still nursing our little koala. I love the expression on some people’s faces when I talk about nursing my nearly 1-year old here in Germany. Although breastfeeding is very common – and advocated – in my home country, I have the feeling that a lot of people are not quite sure about what to think of a mum that is nursing an “older” baby (a lot of the mums I know stopped nursing their babies when they were around six months old – at the latest). Usually, they are surprised or they don’t say anything at all. Oh, one year ago, I would have made exactly the same face, I guess. I never thought I would be a “nursing mum”. I wasn’t judging them at all. I just thought that this wasn’t me. It didn’t fit the image I had of the cool and busy working mum that easily combines her life as a workaholic with having a baby (yup, exactly: I had NO idea at that time!).

But things change when you have a baby. Opinions change. Since the first moment the nurse placed Luca on my belly, I just wanted the best for this tiny human being lying on me. Nursing suddenly felt like the best choice for me. It felt natural. At least, I wanted to give it a try. I knew from other mums that the worst thing you could do was to put pressure on yourself and that, for some mums, it just doesn’t work out – no matter how hard they try. So, I tried to be relaxed. After all, I didn’t want nursing to become a constraint neither.

After a breastfeeding session when Luca was 2 weeks old

After a breastfeeding session when Luca was 2 weeks old

Today, nursing time has become one of my favorite moments during the day (except for the occasional biting of course… because, yes, Lucas has eight – sharp, very sharp – teeth now) and I am pretty proud to have come this far in our breastfeeding journey. Today, everything is pretty easy but, man, it has been hard at some points. ..

I remember the first days at the hospital back in Switzerland. When you’re pregnant, everybody talks about giving birth and how hard it can be. You hear so many stories (even those you don’t really want to hear). But nobody talks about the first days at the hospital (and at home) when the baby is finally there! Nobody ever tells you that you are sweating like crazy when the milk comes in. Nobody tells you that you spend sleepless nights worrying about your milk supply because your little one is loosing weight. And then there’s this moment when you are alone with your baby for the first time. No nurse, no husband, no mum around, and your baby just won’t latch. I also remember falling asleep while nursing Luca during the night and suddenly waking up and checking if our baby was still alive or if I had squashed him (yes, you DO have these kind of strange thoughts when you are a new mum). Obviously, he was ok and peacefully sleeping on my chest😉 One of the things that helped me a lot at the beginning was a nursing cushion. I had already used it for sleeping during my pregnancy and it made nursing much easier.

When Luca was three months old, we moved from Switzerland to Dubai. We had never been to Dubai or the UAE in general before moving there. Somehow, I thought that nursing in public would not be accepted in Dubai. I felt anxious about how to deal with this “problem” as little L wouldn’t take a bottle at all. In addition, little L’s nursing sessions took a long time at the beginning! So, I didn’t know how to combine breastfeeding and flat hunting, shopping for some furniture etc. etc.

At our arrival in Dubai, I was surprised – in a positive way. In many ways, Dubai was completely different from what I expected it to be. And this was also true for nursing. Not only do many women in Dubai nurse, they generally nurse their babies for much longer than in Germany or Switzerland.

Moreover, you can find nursing rooms in many public places including malls. I personally used the ones in Dubai Mall and Marina Mall quite a lot when Luca was younger (whenever possible try to avoid the changing/nursing room on the Marina Mall ground floor (P) as it can get quite busy). While there are also quite a few nursing rooms at Mall of the Emirates, some of them are nicer and quieter than others. I usually went to the one in the Fashion Dome, which is relatively hidden and therefore not as busy as the others. Another possibility is to simply go to a regular changing room (if the shop is fine with that but, usually, nobody refuses a mum who needs to nurse ;-)). I have never done this to be honest but I’ve heard that it is perfectly fine.

Marina Mall nursing room

Marina Mall nursing room

When Luca was a bit older and I felt more confident about nursing, I started going to cafés. I like to sit in a quite corner of the café, have a refreshing mocktail and watch the people around. Sometimes, I even “nurse on the go”, especially on weekends when we we are out and about😉 Personally, I prefer to use a nursing cover (the at Favourite Things are great!!) but I know that some other mums don’t. Breastfeeding is a much less controversial topic in Dubai than it is in some other countries. At least, this is the impression I got.

Nursing at a café :-)

Nursing at a café:-)

There are also great and very active support groups, such as the Facebook group “Breastfeeding Q&A UAE”. It’s a community group of over 2000 mums that discuss topics related to breastfeeding, encourage mums and help them achieve their individual breastfeeding goals. And even an online space where women can share their milk in a safe, ethical manner to allow babies get access to human milk (check Facebook group Human Milk 4 Human Babies – UAE or their website for more infos). I also like www.kellymom.com a lot, a website that gives great advice, not only on breastfeeding but also on other topics such as baby’s health, nutrition etc.

Living in Dubai makes breastfeeding easy, I find:-) The only disadvantage I see? Dubai is a shopping paradise and (I guess, other nursing mums will understand what I’m talking about ;-)): shopping is just not the same when the only question you have in mind is “Is this dress suitable for breastfeeding?”.

xxx

Tani