Category: Pregnant in Dubai

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Weeks 35-36: What HypnoBirthing taught me

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36th week nearly over! It’s getting close:-) I can’t wait to hold our little angel in my arms… In this week’s post I would like to share with you my HypnoBirthing experience. Cause I really do think every pregnant woman should at least know that HypnoBirthing exists. Enjoy xxx

The symptoms I am supposed to have in weeks 35 & 36 (and how I am really feeling)

  • Waddling: “You might find that you waddle”, says my weekly pregnancy update. Wow, that sounds super sexy. This is due to the heavy weight that now shifts from side to side when walking. Apparently, this will even get worse when the baby will engage into the pelvis. Yeyy haha! Well, I hope that I don’t waddle too much. And if I do: please don’t tell me😉
  • Swollen feet and ankles: No, thankfully, I don’t have any swollen feet and ankles! My belly is already super big – honestly, that’s enough haha! This so-called oedema is due to fluid retention, which, in turn, is due to the extra blood production during pregnancy. It can be particularly bad in hot weather. (NB: Attention: I’ve read that it can also be a sign of pre-eclampsia. So, it might be good to check with your doc if you have this problem). Things that you can do to reduce welling include wearing maternity stockings and elevating your feed (e.g. by lying on the floor with your feet up the wall). It’s also important to drink loads of water.
  • Painful breasts: Hmmm. No. I recommend wearing nursing night bras though. Got them when I was nursing little L and they are super comfortable at night (and even in the evening in front of the TV or so😉 )
  • Impatience: Well, what should I say. Yes, of course, I am impatient to meet Miss M (and to stop looking like a coloured Easter egg haha). But it’s so much different when you’re pregnant with your second baby. For Luca I literally couldn’t wait any longer. I got booored but really bored of being pregnant during the last pregnancy month. Especially when my doctor told me to stop working two weeks before Luca was born. When you have a toddler at home this is very unlikely to happen. I wish I still knew how boredom feels like haha
  • Etc…: I just add “…” as there are so many parts of my body that are aching now from time to time haha. Like, my back and my legs when I get out of the bed in the morning. And I also have difficulty breathing sometimes. Especially in the morning. But well. These are all minor things not worth mentioning. I guess that’s just the way it is when you about to enter your last pregnancy month😉

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Little Miss M

Last Saturday, we had a “rendez-vous” with our little Miss M – and the good news is that she turned again!😀 I couldn’t be happier! While my pregnancy app tells me that our little angel is now about the size of a honeydew melon, my doctor told me that she was quite “petite” (but totally fine and healthy) with her 2.5kg. Well, honestly, I am glad that she is not on the 4kg+ side as I am not super tall myself haha!

My doula explained that Miss M’s head might be starting to engage now in readiness for the start of the labor. However, this is more likely to happen this early for a first pregnancy. She still suggested to measure the height of my belly regularly to see if there is a change. So far, nothing…

However, I can feel that Miss M’s movements have changed as she is probably having less room. Last week I was pretty close to heading to Al Zahra as I didn’t feel her much during one entire day! I called Dr. Anni instead who told me to drink something very cold and sweet to see how our little lady would react to this. I did this immediately – and ate some chocolate just to make sure the sugar level is high enough (any excuse to eat chocolate is welcome, right haha?!). She did move a bit after that but she only really responded when my husband placed his hand on my belly in the evening. Pfff. Already daddy’s girl😉 Well, apparently, towards the end of the pregnancy, a baby can have periods when she is moving less. However, there should always be some strong kicks every day.

 

This week’s topic

I have to say that I am feeling quite calm and relaxed considering the fact that Miss M’s expected due date is only a few weeks away now. And this is not because I am a generally calm and relaxed person, believe me. I love things to be planned and organized and, well, birth is unfortunately (fortunately?!) nothing you can really plan. You can prepare yourself but you will never really know when (and how!) labor will start (except if you have a planned C-section, of course). Yep, there’s this thing about labor: it will always remain unpredictable to a certain extent. And unpredictable things usually tend to freak me out a bit…

So, if I am rather calm and relaxed this time that’s mainly because I am surrounded by amazing people this time: My husband, of course. Cause I know that he will be there for me when labor starts (if he is physically in Dubai that is…). Our nanny. Because she has succeeded in creating a real bond with little L after only some weeks and because I know that I won’t need to worry about Luca when I will need to go to the hospital. My gynecologist, Dr. Anni, simply because she is not only very skilled, especially when it comes to VBACs but also very calm and reassuring. I trust her completely. My doula, which I know since we have arrived in Dubai, a long time before I got pregnant with Miss M. Knowing that she will be here for me during these last pregnancy weeks and on my side during labor means a lot to me. And finally, my / our HypnoBirthing teacher Elizabeth (you can read more about her on her website).

I won’t be able to share my husband or nanny with you, nor should I probably recommend one particular doula or gynecologist as this is a very personal choice (but I can tell you that IF you want a natural birth and especially if you want a VBAC, Dr. Anni is the right person for you😉 ). But I can definitely tell you one thing: Give HypnoBirthing a Go!

I should add that I am about to write about one particular HypnoBirthing program: The WiseHippo Birthing Program (don’t question the name, there is an explanation for it😉 ). I am also talking about one particular teacher: Elizabeth. And one particular kind of method: Elizabeth came to see my husband and me at home on five evenings. I have to admit that 8-11pm may not be the best timing but we had no nanny and therefore nobody to look after little L when we started the sessions. So, for us, these one-to-one evening sessions were the perfect solution. Some couples may prefer to share a class with other couples (and this is totally possible) but I personally prefer to be in my pajamas when it comes to birth preparation sessions😉

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While I was honestly a bit skeptical when we met Elizabeth for the first time (and I am not even talking about my husband here haha), I am now more than convinced that learning more about HypnoBirthing was the best idea I’ve had in a long time. I wonder why there are so few mums-to-be who know about the benefits of HypnoBirthing. I wish I had known about it when I was pregnant with little L. This would have made a huge difference. Probably, I would never have agreed to induce labor two weeks before little L’s due date. And maybe I would never have had a C-section. But that’s another story.

5 important things HypnoBirthing taught me:

  • Why I am so afraid of birth and how to deal with it
    Yes, I have to admit that I’ve always found giving birth scary. I still do a little bit. As I told you, mainly due to the fact that you cannot really plan it. You cannot control it. You need to let go to a certain extent. But there’s another factor as I realized when I started the HypnoBirthing sessions. It’s the negative image that comes with giving birth. Basically, giving birth is like taking a plane for me. A few years ago, I was scared to death when I approached an airplane (and I needed to take the plane quite regularly). It was horrible. I didn’t know much about flying but I knew that it was not possible to pilot the plane myself (I would have done it otherwise, believe me, haha), that I needed to trust the crew and that there were some really bad plane crashes happening. I mean you could read it everywhere. And see it in the news. Well, that’s the thing. I only saw negative images about flying. In the news, in films, everywhere. Add some personal, not so nice (but totally acceptable) experiences on a plane – et voilà: you create a fear. That is regularly fed by new negative images until it becomes a phobia. One day I decided to do a course against my fear of flying. It was a quite intense course (3 days of complete brain wash + a flight) where I learned everything about how a plane functions, about how to identify different noises you might hear in a plane and about the real risks (as opposed to the imaginary ones). I got the possibility to talk to a pilot, to a crew member, even to an air traffic controller. I also learned some techniques how to deal with my fear on the plane. And I needed to practice. A lot. For a while, I took the plane every few weeks or even more often. And if I am still not a big fan of taking a plane today, I am now definitely able to cope and feel more relaxed. Well, it’s the same with giving birth. I didn’t know anything about it a few weeks ago. The only thing I knew was that it can be damn painful. I mean, I’d never seen a calm and easy birth before. Where would I?! Certainly not in any film (who would watch that?!) and nowhere else neither. I have some friends who apparently had a great birth experience but, hey, I’m talking about a lucky few! No wonder you get scared! HypnoBirthing was for me like the intense course against my fear of flying. It had the same healing effect. I finally started to understand “how giving birth works” if you can say this like that. And how to counter-act my fears and the negative things about giving birth you see and hear everywhere.
  • How to make my own informed decisions
    I trust doctors, don’t get me wrong. But there’s a difference between trusting a doctor because you have no other choice than to do so and trusting a doctor because you truly believe that what he is suggesting is the best solution for you in your particular situation. When I was pregnant with little L I simply believed everything we were told and advised to do. I didn’t question anything. Even though I am normally a person who questions everything. I just felt lost and vulnerable. This time, I wanted to make sure I knew a bit more about my options. About how my body works, about the pros and cons of different interventions. I actually was not expecting to learn so much during the HypnoBirthing sessions. But I did. One of the most important things I learned is probably the fact that one intervention can easily lead to the next. It becomes what Elizabeth calls a “cascade of interventions”. For example, an epidural forces you to lay down, which is not the best position to have a baby, which can lead to the necessity to have an assisted birth (forceps or ventouse), which may require episiotomy and so on… I am not saying that I will say “NO” to any intervention my doctor might suggest – especially if they are necessary! I mean, I will definitely not question the need for an emergency C-section! -, I might even be the first to ask for an epidural, who knows. But I now feel more confident to ask the right questions in order to fully understand the pros and cons of a certain medical intervention. And I feel confident enough to make my own informed decisions. To trust myself.

(NB: I copy-paste however the following note taken from my HypnoBirthing book as this seems quite important to mention: “[The HypnoBirthing] program is NOT an alternative to medical advice. Should you have any concerns at any point during your pregnancy please consult with your medical professional.”)

  • That I can actually do it
    “Research has estimated that up to 95 percent of women can safely give birth without medical interventions.” (taken from my HypnoBirthing book). I guess I needed someone to tell me exactly that. To tell me that I am totally capable of giving birth and that there are ways (natural ones) that actually really help you reduce the pain. I don’t think anybody has ever told me “Hey, you’ll see, giving birth is such a great and empowering experience! Of course, it will require some effort but you can totally do it.”. I also really loved the fact that Elizabeth showed me some concrete preparation exercises that can help me when in labor. For now, I can’t tell you if they work (might need to give you an update on that in some weeks😉 ) but I definitely feel prepared. It’s like preparing for a sport competition. You won’t get the best result without mental and physical preparation. And this is what I am doing at the moment: exercises to prepare my body, breathing exercises to relax, reading the right documents to get mentally prepared, writing my birth plan etc.
  • That me and my baby are a team
    I know that this might sound stupid but I have always thought of labor as a one-man show. One person is doing the work (well, plus the medical team of course). That’s it. I never thought that you should actually “work together” and team up with your baby. But that’s exactly what I have learned during the last weeks. It’s so important. And there are actually some really fascinating things going on – even before birth! When Miss M was breech (meaning not in the perfect position for birth) I talked to her every day. I did some exercises as recommended by my HypnoBirthing teacher (read more about it in my previous post) and she actually turned! I can also feel her respond when I start doing the breathing exercises I have learned. It’s really funny. During labor, you can actually help your baby move down with different breathing techniques, positions etc. It’s the baby who needs to do quite a lot of work herself. So, it’s important to know how to help her do her job😉
  • How to calm down and relax
    Probably one of the most important things I have learned during the last weeks. Not only for pregnancy and birth. In general. Had I done yoga before, maybe HypnoBirthing would not have been such a revelation to me. But during the last sessions with Elizabeth I actually learned for the first time how to sit down and relax. I should explain you first that I am a little Duracell bunny. I rarely sit down and do nothing. HypnoBirthing teaches you how to relax and calm down very rapidly and how to get some new energy out of your relaxation and breathing exercises – certainly a technique that I will use after giving birth!

I am not trying to say that every woman should do HypnoBirthing. But it might be worth getting some information on it. It might be just the right thing for you. It certainly is for me! It is like the first gift I am offering Miss M. Something I am doing for the both of us. It’s also some private time with my little baby girl.

NB: There are several people teaching HypnoBirthing in Dubai. Elizabeth was the right choice for us but you might want to have a look at Jasmine’s HypnoBirthing classes as well about which I have heard good things.

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Must haves for Miss M

When little L was born we faced one problem we didn’t think about at all when I was pregnant: the ceiling light in his room was super bright – really aggressive at night when we needed to change Luca’s nappy (for both him and us, by the way). We needed to change the bulbs but even that wasn’t enough… So, this time, I want to make sure Miss M’s room would be nice and cosy at night, when we would need to change her nappies and nurse her (I don’t like to nurse in bed). Of course, there are numerous possibilities to achieve this. But some are, let’s say, “trendier” and more fun than others😉

When looking for a nice little lamp for Miss M’s room I came across the lightboxes of A Little Lovely Company. Gorgeous! You have three options:
– a lightbox in A5 format
– one in A4 format
– and a poster lightbox

While the poster lightbox gives you the possibility to display and illuminate a nice selection of posters (themes are for example Little Girl, Little Boy, Love etc.), the A4 and A5 lightboxes have three and two rows respectively to light up any quotes or messages you want to see written on your nursery wall (or on a shelf). I love this idea!

You can order them on the A Little Lovely Company website and ask them to ship the lightboxes to Dubai or, if you want to get them to your home as rapidly as possible, you can find them at the Caramel and Sun store in Mercato Mall. The poster lightbox can also be ordered online on www.thebowerycompany.com.

IG: @alittlelovelycompany, @caramelandsun, @thebowerycompany

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xxx

Tani

 

Weeks 32-34: Packing my Hospital Bag

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Time flies and the due date is slowly but surely approaching! A bit more than a month to go! Time to think about my hospital bag. I don’t want to make the last mistakes than last time though😉 So, in this post, I will share my list of things to take to the hospital as well as a list of items that I will definitely leave at home this time. Enjoy!

The symptoms I am supposed to have in weeks 32 to 34 (and how I am really feeling)

  • Belly button pops out: Umm, yes. My belly does indeed look like a balloon. I don’t mind it that much though, I have to say. I know that some pregnant ladies are hiding this under large tops and dresses. But I don’t bother really. Especially as my belly button will pop back to its normal shape after pregnancy. At least, that’s what it did the last time.
  • Itchy skin: Apparently, many pregnant women’s skin on their bump is becoming increasingly itchy towards the end of their pregnancy as the skin in this area stretches and thins. I would say that the area around my previous C-section is itchy from time to time, yes. Nothing major though. If your abdomen, the palm of your hands or soles of your feet are severely itching, you should see a doctor as it can indicate a problem.
  • Braxton Hicks: Yup, I remember these from my last pregnancy. I could feel how my uterus suddenly became hard as the muscles tightened. Braxton Hicks are contractions, but no “real” ones if that makes any sense. Personally, I don’t feel that they are uncomfortable but this seems to be different for every woman. As opposed to real contractions, they are usually irregular, do not last for long (less than a minute, I’ve read) and do not increase in intensity. So far, I’ve had a few of them.
  • Back pain: Still here and unfortunately getting worse and worse… I tried to make an appointment with an osteopath but they seem to be busy when I have time and vice versa haha. Really need to go!

 

Little Miss M
Last time, I told you that Miss M was in the perfect position (head down) for birth. Well, apparently, she has decided to turn around again… I am happy for her that she has enough space to move freely around in my super huge belly but, honestly, our little Miss is playing a bit with mummy’s nerves here… So, I am doing the “Forward-leaning Inversion” daily, as advised by my Hypnobirthing teacher (for more information, click here). At 34 weeks, I really would like her to turn around again. Well, let’s wait and see and try to convince her😉

Forward leaning inversion

Otherwise, Miss M seems to do very well. She is now about the size of a pineapple or even a cantaloupe melon! The problem is that she never really shows herself when we go see Dr. A for the monthly scan… She is always hiding her face! Such a pity as our doctor told us that now would be the perfect time to get a nice picture of our little princess in the bump. So, instead, I post this (very nice) picture of a pineapple haha

Source: My Little Baby App

Source: My Little Baby App

This week’s topic

The famous hospital bag
With only few weeks to go until Miss M’s due date, I guess the time has come to start packing my hospital bag for labor…

It’s the second time I will pack this famous hospital bag and the least I can say is that I will make some adjustments this time haha😉 I took loads (honestly, loads!!) of things with me for the birth of Luca. Well, I didn’t use half of them. And every day, I gave my husband a new list of things he needed to buy or bring from home to the hospital because I realized I had completely forgotten to bring them (especially as I had a C-section the first time and stayed in hospital for 5 days).

So, let me share with you a list of things I will make sure to take to the hospital this time – as well as a list of things I will not waste any space on anymore😉

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This goes in the bag for sure:

For labor:

  • Definitely my Hypnobirthing mp3s. I have seen my Hypnobirthing teacher 4 times so far and, honestly, I have never learned so much about my body. Not only about birth. In general. I will probably still use these relaxation mp3s after Miss M’s birth. I can only recommend Hypnobirthing and will maybe try to write a separate post about it soon.
  • My birthplan and medical notes (hubby will need to take care of them)
  • An old (ideally dark-colored) pregnancy T-shirt (or just a big and comfortable one) that can get ruined
  • Socks: Apparently, your feet can get really cold when in labor
  • A pillow: One that I like but not a super nice and expensive one neither
  • Other things that might help me feel comfortable: a yoga mat, a birthing ball (if there’s not already one available at the hospital), a TENS machine (I will ask my doula to take one with her)
  • Snacks and drinks: my Hypnobirthing teacher recommended coconut water and to bring a straw; otherwise, nuts, dried fruits etc.
  • My glasses: I never really wear them and actually hate to wear but for the birth of little L, the doctor asked me to remove my contact lenses as it was a C-section)
  • My mobile (note to myself: remember to make some space on it in the next days or weeks for the 100 pictures we will probably take of Miss M!!)
  • Ideally my husband if he is not travelling

For the day(s) after the delivery:

  • Nursing bras as I plan to breastfeed
  • Nursing pads (they are actually useful even if you’re not planning to nurse, trust me. It’s not super sexy to have two wet circles on your shirts, especially when you have visitors).
  • Nipple cream (I used it quite a lot last time)
  • A nursing cushion: very useful when nursing a newborn I find, especially if you’ve had a C-section. Honestly, the nursing cushion made things so much easier for me the last time. So, will definitely not miss it this time.
  • Pyjamas or a night shirt: both should be very light as I remember I was sweating like crazy after Luca’s birth; if you’re planning to breastfeed, it might be a good idea to take some that can be unbuttoned in the front.
  • A dressing gown (in order to look half-decent within a second when someone is coming in the room)
  • Slippers
  • Dry shampoo: Oh, how happy would I have been to have dry shampoo with me last time! My doctor told me not to shower immediately after the C-section… Not great if you have not had the time to wash your hair before the C-section neither because you had an induction for 24h that didn’t work out… (especially, if people want to take pictures of you and the baby)
  • The usual toiletries, especially make-up, concealer and mascara that make you look (a little bit more) human after a sleepless night
  • Scent-free shower gel: After little L’s birth, a midwife explained me that babies want to smell their mum’s natural odor and not any rose-scented shower gel or so. This is especially good to know if you plan to breastfeed. Still need to find one here in Dubai though…
  • A hair dryer (I usually don’t like the ones in hospitals and hotels)
  • A little blank booklet to take notes: I took many notes after little L’s birth. And, yes, the weirdest ones. Like, for how long Luca drank on each side of my boobs, the color of his poo, how often his nappy was dirty or wet etc. I also wrote down any questions I wanted to ask the doc or nurse (and I had many, many of them after Luca’s birth) as well as any good advice we got from the midwivesIMG_9359
  • A list of people I want to contact when Miss M is here (it might also be a good idea to think about the text…Hmmm)
  • Biscuits and chocolate: I was constantly hungry after little L’s birth…

For my hubby:

  • A change of clothes (you never know how long it will take…)
  • A toothbrush (for the same reason)
  • Swimwear in case I might want to use the birthing pool and he might come with me
  • Snacks (loads?… Last time, my husband kept eating my desserts and drinking my smoothies when I was at the hospital after the C-section haha)
  • Energy drinks
  • An iPad, smartphone (+ headphones as I don’t necessarily want to listen to Italian football games or similar things) or any other kind of entertainment
  • Some cash
  • Chargers for our mobiles, iPads, cameras etc.

For Miss M:

  • Some bodysuits and sleepsuits: It’s a good idea to take different sizes as you never really know how big your baby will actually be… And to take quite a few of them cause they get dirty very quickly. The other lesson I have learned is to take only super practical ones that you can open in the front. Honestly, you don’t care about super cute at 2, 4 or 6am when you need to change your little one’s diaper…
  • A hat: we never really used one for Luca but I am honestly afraid of the AC here in Dubai
  • Socks
  • The hospital usually provides nappies, wipes etc. but I am a bit picky, so I will bring some.
  • Cotton and saline solution: In Switzerland, we were advised to use this to clean little L’s eyes and nose. Actually, we still use it…
  • A swaddling blanket or (light) sleeping bag
  • Muslin squares
  • A foldable changing mat: I didn’t bring one for Luca’s birth but wished I had thought of it
  • A baby car seat and a blanket for the way home

For little L:

    • A gift for him that Miss M will offer him when they will meet for the first time

 

No way, won’t take that with me this time:

      • Anything else than maternity (or at least super comfortable and loose-fitting) clothes. When I had Luca I honestly packed a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans in my hospital bag. Haha. Well, I don’t think I wore it until months after little L’s birth…
      • Any thongs or G-strings. They rarely go with the super huge pad you’re wearing in the days after the delivery. I’ll go for maternity knickers this time – as much as I hate them…
      • Books. Novels. Took them with me the first time as I thought I would get bored (??!!! I honestly thought that??!) at the hospital while the baby was sleeping haha. Magazines or surfing on your mobile / iPad seems much more realistic.
      • All these super cute, super expensive baby clothes that you need to pull over baby’s head or (un)button at the back… Think liquid yellowish poo all over your baby’s back at 3am… If I have learned one thing from the first weeks with little L than it is to appreciate baby bodies and sleepsuits that you can open in the front.
      • “Le Petit Larousse des Enfants de 0 à 3 ans” or any other baby encyclopedia that explains the life of a baby / toddler during the first three years and weights about 2-3kg. Honestly, what was I thinking?!IMG_9360
      • A baby book where you can write down the baby’s weight, size etc. and add a first picture. I know it’s a very nice idea. But I just had no motivation whatsoever to fill it in… and it added to the weight of the baby encyclopedia and the novels I took with me…
      • Our camera… Yes, we filmed little L after his birth but no, we never used our big camera for that. Only our iPhone. Yup, that’s the truth…

If you have any other ideas about what to take or not to take to the hospital, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment! I would love to hear about your thoughts😉

 

Must haves for Miss M:
It happened last weekend at the ARTE market at Times Square Centre: I fell in love with a little owl. Well, to be honest, I fell in love with a whole bunch of absolutely beautiful crocheted little animals, all handmade in Dubai:

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You can’t but adore the little toys made by Komeropuoti! They are simply super cute. One of the little owls has been adopted by us and is now sitting in Miss M’s bed, patiently waiting for her arrival😉

If you want to have a look at the whole collection, simply check out or, even better, visit the Komeropuoti Little Craft Shop twice a month during the ARTE market at Times Square Center.

Weeks 30 & 31: Preparing little L for his new role

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The last days or even weeks I spend a lot of time thinking about how to prepare little L for his new role as a big brother. It will be such an important step for him. And for us as a family. Suddenly, our life as a family will change completely. There will be another person. A little girl with her own personality. We will need to find a new balance that works for all of us. So, today, I would like to share some nice ideas about how to make this transition period as smooth as possible for little L (and us)😉

The symptoms I am supposed to have in weeks 30 and 31 (and how I am really feeling)

  • Clumsiness: “You might feel clumsier than normal” does the weekly report of my pregnancy app tell me. Well, if that means that I am bumping into everyone and everything with my huge belly, positive haha. It is funny how I carry this belly with me every day but I still seem to have no real feeling for its size…!
  • Digestive problems: Yay! Apparently, in the third trimester, the joy of having digestive problems can come back. Thank God, I am not experiencing any problems for now but here are some tips that can help prevent them: Drink chamomile tea before each meal; mix natural yoghourt with whole flaxseeds and dried prunes that have previously been soaked in water; drink loads of water; eat food that is high in fibre; walk regularly!
  • Breasts continue to “expand”: Well, let’s say that I avoid dresses with a plunging neckline here in Dubai at the moment… Honesty, I feel like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch… Well, plus the huge pregnancy belly and minus the red swimsuit and blond hair. So, yes, I can confirm this (and really hope they will go back to a normal size after Miss M is born!!).
  • Back pain: Oh my, yes. Really. Especially when I get up in the morning or after sitting in the same position for too long. Or after walking too much. Or carrying Luca for too long. Well, basically… all the time. I am honestly considering to see an osteopath. We went to see Bassam Husain at the Osteopathic Health Centre for Luca once. He was absolutely amazing. Maybe I’ll go see him…

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Little Miss M

Miss M is weighting 1.8 kg now – more than a coconut! And that’s not all: she’s heading into a growth spurt! I wish she would show her cute little face a bit more during the scans but she is always putting her hands in front of her eyes… Maybe next Saturday when we will see Dr. A again😉 She is still in the perfect position. During the last Hypnobirthing class, one of my doulas explained me how to make sure to keep her in this position: First, you can practice the so-called “mirror mantra”. You basically stand in front of a mirror several times a day (well, as often as possible really), stroke your belly and tell your baby the following words: Head down – Chin to chest – Hands to heart – Back to belly. Just search for “baby’s ideal position for birth” on Google and you will be able to see some pictures. Apparently, imagining your baby in the ideal position for birth can really influence her position. It is also important to sit up straight (a birthing ball can help you; will try to get one soon), ideally with your knees lower than your hips.

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source: myninemonths.com

This week’s topic

Soon, you will be a big brother, my son
A while ago, we met with some friends. I was excited to see a friend of mine who had just been given birth to a beautiful little girl. It was the first time that I would see her with her baby. At first, when they arrived, Little L was not that much interested in the “new addition” to the play group. Well, until I held her in my arms, that is… Then, the drama started. I had rarely seen Luca that jealous. I actually had to stop holding the baby and my friend needed to explain to Luca that it was her baby, not mine. That there was nothing to be jealous about.

This is when I got quite scared…

Little L would need to deal with exactly this situation very soon. Except that, then, it would be “my” baby and not my friend’s…

Of course, I had already tried to prepare little L for the arrival of his little sister before. I had explained him that he would be a big brother soon and that mummy had a big belly because she was carrying Miss M (we use Miss M’s name very regularly since the beginning of my pregnancy just like we had done it for little L). I had also told him not to hit or kick mummy’s belly because this might hurt his little sister.

Well… with very limited success….

I guess that the idea of mummy carrying another person in her belly is just too difficult to understand for an 18-months old. It’s very abstract. You cannot see this other baby. Why should it be hurt when you don’t touch it??

So, I started reading about how to prepare your toddler for baby Nr 2… and realized that it was about time to start operation “introduce Luca to the idea of having a sister”.

Here are some of the tips I found really useful.

Big brother in the making:

1. One of the most important things I’ve read probably was: “Cherish the time when there is just you and your toddler”. How true. The next weeks will be the last weeks I am spending  with little L. Only with little L, I mean. Oh my. Even when I write this I get sentimental… Of course, I am looking forward to our little baby girl. But I will miss spending time with my little man. It will never be the same again. There will always be two little monkeys. In our flat. And in my heart. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I somehow already have guilty conscience for not being able to spend as much time with Luca as before. Even if that’s completely stupid. I know. But it hurts a bit. Somehow. So, I am trying to spend time with Luca even more consciously now.

2. Take your toddler for antenatal appointments. We did that since the beginning. Without even knowing that this was a good thing. We just didn’t have the choice as we had no one to look after little L haha. I am not sure if this made a huge difference, though, to be honest. I think Luca is still too small to understand the whole scan thing. The thing he remembers instead probably is that he needed to wait a long time until it was our turn to see the doctor. And that he then needed to wait until the scan was done. And the discussion with the doctor. So, this advice might be more useful if you have older kids or toddlers.

3. Read books about the arrival of the new sibling. So far, I only bought one book on this topic as it was the one that seemed best adapted to little L’s age: “There’s a House Inside my Mummy”. Luca and I have already read it several times together and he quite likes it. It’s hard to say if he gets the message though. He is not as fascinated by this book as he seems to be by some others. Anyways, I love books and I think it’s a great way to explain the arrival of a new baby. I wish there would be books with flaps on this topic haha. Luca loves to lift the flaps. It’s much more interactive and engaging. If anyone knows of a book like that, please let me know😉 Otherwise, I have found some nice books to help prepare a toddler for the arrival of a little brother or sister but most of them are for kids that are already a little bit older. Click here for some ideas.

4. Give your toddler a baby doll. BEST advice EVER. At least for us. We bought little L a baby doll and a little stroller some weeks ago. We named the doll after our baby girl to be born. Miss M:-) At the beginning, he didn’t seem too keen on holding the baby doll or having anything to do with it. But now, baby doll gets a big hug every morning and at night before bedtime. “She” is having lunch and dinner with us and gets loads of “bisous” (kisses) and walks in her little stroller. Luca is immediately looking for her when we say her name. Another positive thing: little L was never drinking enough water. But when his baby doll drinks, he wants to drink as well😉 It is actually super cute how caring he is. Makes my heart melt every time I see it. I’ve read that it was also a good idea to use the doll to practice nappy changing together. Will try that as well – who knows, little L might be able to help me soon hehe

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5. Show your toddler photos of him when he was a little baby. I think this is a lovely idea, especially as we were lucky enough to get some super cute pictures and videos taken by our midwife just after birth. And little L loves (no, sorry, is obsessed about) watching videos of himself haha It’s a nice way to explain him that, not so long ago, he has been a tiny little baby himself and that there will be another little baby soon again. And that, now, he is the big brother – not a baby anymore😉

6. I’ve also read that it was important not to introduce any major changes for your toddler directly before or after the birth of baby number 2. That really makes sense to me. We have therefore started the “preparation process” for a life with 2 kids quite early: little L started nursery when I found out that I was pregnant again. When he enjoyed going to nursery three afternoons a week, we started searching for a nanny. And finally, we found one that he really likes. And us too! Now, Luca has still some weeks to adapt to her and to get used to playing with the nanny instead of me, from time to time. I wanted to start potty training but have decided to postpone this. It’ll be a big change for him – and a lot of work for mummy haha… So, I have decided not to put any pressure on us two. Wanting to finish the potty training before Miss M arrives sounds unrealistic to me. So, we’ll do that later.

7. The first time after Miss M’s birth will be tough, I think. It’s the first time I will not be home for one or even several nights. And even when I come back from the hospital, I will probably spend a lot of time with our little princess. So, it seemed absolutely crucial to me to find people I trust that will look after little L when Miss M is born. My husband, obviously. I asked him not to make any travel plans for the time before and after our baby girl’s due date. He will also take some vacation to support me after the birth. But Miss M might come early. Or late. And his work might not allow him to be as flexible as he’d like to be… It was clear for us that we needed another person of trust for Luca. Our parents would have been great. But little L has actually only seen them a few times last year. And they won’t be able to come immediately after Miss M is born. So, we started looking for a nanny. But finding a great nanny is super hard. I knew it would be hard. But, in fact, it is much harder! And it takes time!! And patience. And gut feeling. And so much more. Thankfully, we have found someone who really seems perfect for our family. Gentle, smiling, motivated. Kids show you quite rapidly if they like a person or not. Fingers crossed, all will work out well😉

When baby 1 meets baby 2:

8. Explore the new baby together. I’ve read this advice several times. So, there must be something true about it. When little L will be coming to the hospital with daddy to “meet” his little sister for the first time, I will make sure that Miss M will be laying in her cot and not in my arms. My arms will be free to cuddle Luca and to hold his hand while we “discover” the new addition to the family together. I hope that this way, he will be less jealous.

9. I quite like the idea of giving little L a gift when Miss M and me will be coming home from the hospital. It’s a nice way to connect this event with something positive for him. Ideally a gift that he will remember later. Will need to figure out what we could give him😉 And maybe we should also get some smaller gifts that he can open every time someone will be visiting us to see the new baby. So that he doesn’t feel that he is not important anymore. That no one is interested in him anymore. It doesn’t need to be something big. Just a little thing.

Life with two little monkeys:

10. Plan some activities for the first days when you come home from the hospital. Some activities that don’t necessarily involve mummy and baby Nr 2. But activities that are fun for little L. He loves to spend time with daddy. As my husband will (normally… hopefully) have some vacation, it might be nice to plan a small “boys” activity for every day. This will give me some time on my own with Miss M. Some time to adapt to the new situation as well. Cause, yes, I will need to learn again how to handle a newborn!

11. Involve your toddler as much as possible in all activities concerning baby Nr 2. Make him feel important. I can already see how much little L loves taking care of his baby doll. I am sure he will feel so proud if I ask him to hand me Miss M’s diapers, to help me bring her to bed etc. It’s like with grocery shopping, I think: Put your toddler in his stroller and it’s a nightmare. Let him walk and help you get the items you are looking for… well, it’s a nightmare too – but you have a happy toddler haha

12. Make sure your toddler doesn’t feel neglected. That seems so important to me. I am sure it will be very hard at the beginning but I will try my best to spend some time with little L every day. Just him and me. That’s it. I want him to get this time with me. Time when I only focus on him. I don’t want him to feel invisible all of a sudden. I can see how important it is for him that we acknowledge everything new he has learned. That we praise him for that. It is so motivating for him. I definitely want to keep this up.

13. Carry the newborn as much as possible. Well, I actually did carry little L quite a lot when he was a tiny little baby. For several reasons. First of all, this was the only way to go grocery shopping with him without him starting to cry. It also gave me the possibility to do all the housework while being close to Luca. And I quite liked the feeling of having him close to me. So, yes, I think a baby carrier is a good idea. I still have the one I used for little L. Let’s see if Miss M will be as happy to be carried around as her older brother😉

14. Make it clear that your toddler is now a big brother. I’ve read that many toddlers do regress when a new baby arrives. Suddenly, they want to be fed again or carried all the time. To be honest, I can totally see little L doing this. So, I think it’s a quite good advice to make it clear to him that he is no baby anymore. And that this is a great thing! He is allowed to eat what mummy and daddy are eating. But Miss M is still too small for that. He is allowed to go with daddy to the play area and on the big slide. But Miss M is still a baby and needs to stay in the stroller (or with mummy) and so on. I think it’s also nice to tell him how proud we are that he is such a good big brother, taking care of his little sister. Just to make him feel proud of being the older one😉

15. Find activities to occupy your toddler when you’re feeding the baby. I really hope I will be able to nurse Miss M. And breastfeeding can take time. At the beginning, it feels as if you were nursing the whole day… Of course, our nanny can go out with him sometimes. But little L might also want to sit with mummy. I think that reading a book while nursing or giving him a snack so that he can eat as well, are some nice ideas. Little L also likes his flashcards. He usually shows me the cards and I need to name the picture on it. Or invent a quick story that goes with the picture. Maybe a little “nursing session box” with some of his favorite toys might also be a good idea. Will need to think of other ideas like that.

16. Forgive yourself. Well. That must be my favorite advice. Miss M is not even here and I already know that I will need to forgive myself quite a lot. Probably every day. For not spending enough time with little L. For not spending as much time with Miss M as I did with Luca when he was a newborn. For not dressing in anything else than a jogging. For not washing my hair for… let’s say some days. For not being able to manage both kids at the same time. For letting little L cry because I am changing Miss M’s nappy. For crying myself even though I should be super happy. For not going outside enough with the two little monkeys. For not doing enough cool activities with Luca. For not cooking enough healthy food. For not updating my blog. The list is long. Oh well.

But one thing I am sure of is that I will try my very best to make both of my little ones happy…

 

Must haves for Miss M:
Nothing glamorous and fancy this time, I’m afraid😉 But something extremely important; so important that we use this item every day for little L: the perfect armchair for nursing and for holding your little one at night (well, and for falling asleep on it hehe😉 ). Before we had Luca we bought a very modern and beautiful armchair for his room…, which we never used as it was horribly uncomfortable. One day, we went to IKEA and I saw “him” (yes, you are right, I DO consider this chair as more than a simple item!): the STRANDMON wing chair. I couldn’t imagine a better nursing chair than this one. And its design is quite decent as well. And so is its price. So, we bought a second one (in light grey this time) for Miss M. Add some nice cushions and – voilà, the perfect addition to your nursery!

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xxx
Tani