Nursery? Here’s a little update

Some weeks ago, our little L started nursery. I knew from the beginning that it would be hard but I never imagined that it would be that hard… 🙁 Our little monkey really had a tough time during the first days at the nursery (and mummy as well!). When we arrived at the nursery, Luca would already recognize the place and the teachers and he would start screaming straight away. This went on for two weeks (obviously, the long Eid weekend didn’t help). Little L didn’t seem to connect with the people, the new environment. He didn’t even watch the toys that were around him, didn’t drink or even eat his snack. I felt helpless. I was watching the whole scene from my mobile and, several times, I had the feeling that I should just go in and stop this whole nursery idea. It might have been a bad idea. Too soon. I also felt I should tell the teachers how to interact with Luca. But then, I was maybe too overprotective? I hesitated…

But at one point, when I could see no change, no improvement at all, I just couldn’t watch it any longer without doing anything. I decided to act. This was the turning point. From that moment on, everything became better. Much better. So, here’s what has worked for us:

1. Always trust your heart and intuition. I felt that the teachers (which are certainly great teachers, I have no doubts!) just didn’t know how to get through to Luca. He would not let them approach him. He would not open up to them. Our little man is very sensitive. He observes how people act. Their facial expressions. Their body language. I knew that he needed them to be much more patient with him, to be more smily and to make him smile. I also knew that our little L wants to explore any new environment before accepting (well, or rejecting) it. So, one day, I asked my husband to come with me and to make himself an opinion. He did. We decided that we should speak to the teacher. It was actually the principal who took some time to speak with us. She was such a warm and comprehensive lady and, most importantly, she told us that she had observed our little man for some time now and had exactly the same impression. Going with my gut feeling was the best thing I could do. Talking to the principal was definitely the right thing. It changed everything. Most importantly, it helped us build a real dialogue with the nursery.
2. Build a dialogue with the nursery. Taking the time to explain Luca’s character, what he likes or dislikes was absolutely crucial. I should have done this from the beginning. Well,  I tried but it was always just some quick words when I brought him to the class room. It helped the teachers understand him better and gave them some ideas regarding how to connect with him. For example, they took the time to let Luca move around freely in the nursery building. In the corridors, in the sand, in the outside play area. I really appreciated this. Slowly, he started to feel comfortable. To know where he was. On the other hand, it was also very important for us to listen to what the nursery principal and the teacher had to say. They gave us some great advice that finally made the settling-in period much easier. I will list some of their tips below.
3. Come on a regular basis (at least, at the beginning). For the moment, I don’t want little L to go to the nursery more than three afternoons a week. I still want to be able to spend time with him, to do activities together and meet with his friends. The principal agreed with this but suggested that we should come every afternoon for at least one week – just to let Luca get used to this new environment, to this new rhythm. So that he would know what to expect. This was an excellent idea and it helped little L settle in so much quicker. At the end of the week, he was nearly not crying anymore.
4. Be consistent. I had read this several times before and I perfectly knew that it was important to leave quite quickly when dropping little L off at the nursery. With a smile, of course. Well, I knew this but it is sometimes hard to do the right thing. Luca was probably feeling how anxious I was when I dropped him off. I was afraid that he would cry again… So, I was really working hard on that one. I started telling myself that I needed to feel what I was saying. It needed to be real. And it helped. Now, I give little L a kiss and tell him that he will have a great time and that I will be back in some hours. I am sincere. And calm. And it helps.
5. Give your little one something he loves. Something that reminds him of home and that he can take to the nursery. This can be his favorite plush toy or a cloth that has your smell. In our case, it is Luca’s favorite toys. He loves playing with them at the nursery.
6. Talk about nursery. As little L is going to the nursery only three afternoons a week, the principal suggested that we’d talk about nursery on the other days. Even better: we took some pictures of the teachers, the class room and other nursery facilities and we show them to him on the weekend and on the days when he is not attending nursery. He really recognizes the persons. And now, after some time, he smiles. I tell him what he will do at the nursery the next day and how much fun he will have. Together, we identify who is who on the pictures. He loves that 😉
7. Have a routine. It really is crucial for our little monkey that the days when he doesn’t go to the nursery are similar to the ones when he does. So, we get up at the same time, we have the nap at approximatively the same time. Lunch time is similar as well and, in the afternoon, we do some activities. That way, nursery days are not completely different from the “normal” days. It’s just that mummy is not here to play.
8. Be sure you’ve made the right choice. In my case, I first needed to build some trust in the nursery itself. In the teachers and in their teaching methods. Well, everyone is different but, for me, this was important. I believe that, if you are not sure of your choice, your little one will feel it. If you doubt, so will your kid. You need to be sure that it is the right choice you’ve made. That it is a good thing for your little one to go to the nursery. If you are not sure of it, how can your little one be?
9. Be patient. That one was probably the hardest thing for me. To see little L cry for such a long time. To accept that it needs time. To accept that every child is crying at the beginning, some more, some less. It was hard. But it was worth it.
10. Keep the dialogue going. It is not because little L is not crying anymore (well, mostly) that I don’t check my mobile anymore to have a quick look to see what is going on in the classroom. It think it is very important to regularly speak to the teachers and to the principal to see how things are evolving. On both sides.

I am so relieved that everything is going better now and that our little man is happily playing at the nursery at the moment (just checked on my mobile 😉 ).

Let’s hope it will continue! Fingers crossed.

xxx

Tani

What are your experiences? What has worked for you?